Ruby and Chloé:
A discussion on sugardating
Today I sat down with a peer in the industry to discuss her experience with her first sugar daddy. I think it highlights a sad but common experience.
As my peer wishes to keep her work name private I will refer to her as ‘Chloé’ throughout the interview.
The reason for writing this blog is not to convince anyone either is better or worse. Just to highlight risks, similarities and the importance of sugar babies being informed.
Ruby: When did you start sugaring and what did you hope it would be like and what was your experience?
Chloé: When I was 19, I joined seeking arrangement. To be honest, I wanted to have enough money to pay my bills, and then some. Hopefully gifts, a hot rich man who wanted to spoil me. I told absolutely no one out of fear of judgement.
I quickly met a young-ish, (10 years my senior), fun, nice man. As a university student making minimum wage, when lets call him “C” offered me $350 a week, meals out, trips on his boat, okay sex I felt really lucky. After a few months the money stopped coming in, when I asked him where my allowance was he said it was too much plus we had a ‘real connection’. Sure we had a connection, but would I be there without the money? Absolutely not. After realisng my allowance was never going to get paid we broke things off.
Fast forward a year, I started at an escorting agency. Getting paid an hour what I would have weekly with C. Probably on my fourth night, after a booking, I headed downstairs to the girls only area. Then I ran into C with four girls hanging off him. He had just paid thousands of dollars to have them doing what I was doing for $350 a week. Later on I spoke to the veterans (girls who had been at the agency for years), they said C was a regular. Dropping thousands a week for a couple of years & certainly not having unprotected blowjobs.
Ruby: Why did you want to share this on the blog?
Chloé: I wanted to share this story as a way of pointing out how easily it is to be taken advantage of on these sights. I didn’t think of myself as a sex worker then, but looking back it was the same actions but with little safety and much less reward. If I had known how much others were being paid I would never accept the allowance terms.
Becoming a courtesan provided me with the proper education of my rights, and provide me with a level of safety I had never experienced as a sugar baby. I dont think escorting is for everyone, but I think knowing about the boundaries and framework of escorting services would be immensly helpful for sugar babies to make informed decisions.
Do you think sugaring is sex work?
Yes, I think if you are providing your time, being erotic in nature or sex in exchange for gifts, money or whatever it may be. This should be classified as sex work. Regardless of the terms on each side, genuine connection or not, this is still transactional in one way or another.
Sex work in whatever facet should not be shameful. It’s a service that when done with informed consent can be a wonderful experience for both the client and the escort. I hate the deep stigma and internalised shame the label of ‘sex worker’ can create for people. I believe when we’re in a state of shame and uninformed how will we properly advocate for ourselves?